There are few memories near and dear to me as this one. It’s a memory I return to often and when it came flooding through my mind this morning, I felt compelled to share it.
First, I want to say that God and I have enjoyed a special relationship since I was born. He (the pronoun I choose to use) has always been a part of my life, always been there for me and outside of this experience, there was one other when He spoke this clearly.
And while I know God is a loaded term, my definition of God is not religious nor is it associated with any one religion or belief system. I used to call myself a Christian but disconnected from that religion years ago. These days, I don’t label my faith because it’s forever evolving and can’t be contained within any one definition. Therefore, my God does not exclude any other God or belief system founded in love.
It was a dreary Saturday and my boyfriend and I had decided to drive over the mountain and into a bigger city for the day. We planned to do a bit of shopping and go out to eat. My focus was on getting to Barnes & Noble — I wanted more astrology books.
It was a time of great searching in my life. I was getting ready to graduate from cosmetology school, in a serious relationship, and wasn’t sure what to do with my life. I felt lost and confused and had turned to astrology to find answers.
Even though I grew up in a Christian family, my parents had other interests. As a young girl, I found my mother’s astrology book and was entranced. I loved reading about my sign, Sagittarius. But due to my Christian environment (church and private school), there wasn’t anyone to share it with and I lost connection through my high school years.
But somewhere along the line, I found my way back. And as I was on the precipice of starting a new life, I began diving into all things astrological trying to better understand those around me and my direction ahead.
After shopping and eating, we made our way to B&N and separated — him to the fishing section and me to the religious section. Not sure what that section is actually called, haha. But I went there.
As I stood in front of the shelves of astrology, tarot and Chinese astrology books, I had this thought,
“I bet if anyone saw me, they would think I’m into weird things...”
I quietly laughed to myself, grabbed a Chinese astrology book, planted myself on the blue carpet, and started reading.
It wasn’t long before I felt someone lightly tap my shoulder. I turned around and it was a beautiful girl. She looked to be about the age of 16 or so. She asked,
“Have you ever wondered what would happen to you after you die?”
“Huh?” I said.
“When you die. Have you ever considered what happens?”
“I don’t understand..” I was very confused and had been lost in my reading. Then she started to talk about Jesus.
“Did you know Jesus died for your sins?” And it hit me that she was trying to preach to me.
“Yes, yes, I’m a Christian,” I said dismissively, turned my head, and all of a sudden it was like another dimension opened up around me… I could hear her talking in the background and everything was quieter.
Then God started speaking to me. His voice was so clear.
“Ahna, why are you searching for answers in other places?
“I don’t know, God — I, I’m scared.” I half replied.
All you need to do is trust me.
Come to me and all will be well.”
“Trust me, Ahna.”
And I immediately became overwhelmed with emotion and tears fell down my cheeks. Not in sadness but because I was surrounded by total love, His love. It’s a love like no other, one that fulfills A L L.
I came out of the trance, looked down at my book, and couldn’t read the writing — it was in another language. I looked to my left at the girl and she was gone, I couldn’t see her anywhere.
It was truly a miracle.
Over 20 years later and I still love to revisit that memory. I truly believe that girl was an angel — there was something unique about her that I noticed immediately. And I can still feel a tiny bit of what that love felt like. It’s what I search for in my meditations, prayers, and other spiritual practices — all geared towards getting closer to God, to the truth of who I am.
After that event, I put away astrology books for many years. I thought it was the astrology that had been the problem but that wasn’t it. Now I know, astrology wasn’t the issue. It could’ve been anything.
God and I are close, we always have been. It was that He didn’t want me to put faith in any one thing THAT much. He wanted me to come to Him or to trust the wisdom inside of myself. He wanted me to have faith and not live in fear. He didn’t want me to get lost in the idea that astrology could save me because it can’t.
I disconnected from Christianity in 2019 because it no longer aligned with who I had become. Who I had woken up to be. But that doesn’t change my relationship with God.
He’s the only one I can always count on.