If I shared only one tangible tip for a successful relationship, it would be: separate bathrooms.
Hear me out.
I’ve always been told that you share everything in a committed relationship. This could be a marriage, a live-in, a whatever. But my first reaction has always been HELL. NO.
I’m not down to share all my personal space.
I’m not down to share all my mental space.
And I’m definitely NOT down to share my bathroom space.
Nor do I think anyone should.
Call me crazy, but I believe in maintaining mystery in a relationship — as much as possible.
I’m obviously not talking about the important stuff.
But I believe in keeping some things separate. I believe each person should remain an individual while being in partnership. And I definitely believe one of the keys to success in a relationship is separate bathrooms.
First, I am very anal about having a clean bathroom. As a recovering semi-OCD clean freak, I’ve never understood why most people don’t take the cleanliness of their bathroom more seriously. It’s where the majority of our grossest activities occur AND where we get clean. So I’ve always kept mine clean enough to pass out on the floor/toilet without concern (not easy for a semi-OCD clean freak).
Second, I have zero interest in arguing over how someone else interprets a clean bathroom. (Hint: never like I do…) As insinuated in the first point, everyone has a different opinion of what “clean” means. Don’t believe me? Just ask my partner who’s shower has literally turned the color of Koolaid while telling me it was clean. #facepalm But we avoid numerous arguments and disagreements about how to keep such a sacred space by simply having our own. I never say anything about his (except for the random Koolaid joke) and he never says anything about mine (except for the random “it’s dirty” joke). The peace is sooo worth it. Having to act like someone’s mother is NOT good for our sex life.
Third, I don’t want to share my bodily activities with my partner nor do I want to see theirs. Ya, ya, I get it — we all pee and poop — but I am not now (or ever) someone who feels the need to experience that with my significant other. Barring something that’s totally out of our control, I choose no. I’ve had girlfriends who said they poop with the door open while talking to their boyfriends — Uh, NO. Let’s just say it was no surprise when they broke up. Sure, I can (and do) talk about our human bodily activities but that doesn’t mean I want to experience it with someone else. In my opinion, there’s something important that’s lost when you share such intimate activities with anyone else besides your dog or child.
Bottom line, while we are talking about bathrooms — my main point with this article is that I think privacy is a beautiful thing.
We don’t need to jump in and share all our sexual positions, thoughts and private things with someone right off the bat. Or ever, if we don’t feel inclined. I think it’s fantastic to have boundaries around things that are really important to us — for me, that’s bathrooms. For you — it might be your morning time. Whatever.
It’s good to keep some things for ourselves.