When I started this blog/Medium (whateva), it began under a pseudonym because I wanted to write directly, honestly, and without hesitation or concern of being judged.
Then I decided to use my name. But due to my concern (i.e. caring too much what people think) for being real, it’s been nearly impossible to complete a blog. I’ve written several drafts but my writing wasn’t flowing because I had not given myself permission to be open online.
I keep a daily journal (don’t know how people live without one) and it gets my everything — the boring, awful, and wonderful. I started journaling at age seven and it’s been the one constant in my life, well, besides God. It’s where I go with anger, hurt, happiness, and all the things… Because at heart, I’m a deeply reserved person who doesn’t share her inner self often.
Hence, why adding my real name to this account wasn’t easy.
Online I’m known for a variety of things — being an entrepreneur, a marketer, a fashion brand starter. But I didn’t want to use this blog for work — I wanted something different.
And then recently I found (and shared) a quote on Facebook from Brene Brown — amazing woman — who expanded on so much of what I’m going through right now.
“I think midlife is when the Universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing — these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt — has to go.
Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart.
It’s time to show up and be seen.”
To me, it was the call to step out, to step into the light and let down my guard.
That’s a scary idea in the modern world where people stalk you online and evaluate your entire being based on their evaluation of what you say and share. And let’s not even get into the bickering and rudeness — actions that would never take place face-to-face — heaven forbid I use a wrong label or say the wrong thing.
None of it makes for an easy environment to dump your heart or share your perspective.
But that’s what I’m going to do. It’s my challenge — to unleash me.
See, there’s a book I want to write and to get there, I made writing a blog per week one of my 2019 goals. But I’m not doing so great, haha.
If I’m ever going to be brave enough to write the book then I have to start here. My head screams NO, however, everything deeper whispers yes.
So here it begins. A mini overview to catch you up to speed.
I grew up in small businesses and therefore business has been second nature my entire life. I have the ability to walk into any business and after a short time, find the kinks, and fix them. I loveeee to fix things. This ability made me either the least favorite employee or the most, depending on who I worked for. And yes, “least favorite” was the typical clear winner, haha.
Therefore, I always knew entrepreneurship was for me OR (if I was crazy lucky) a job that gave me the freedom to go for it. Taking initiative has never been a problem — I love to work — but for some reason, that usually isn’t appreciated while working for others.
I graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication in December 2011 and started my first business in June 2012. It specialized in blogging, website design, and social media marketing.
Because I missed the glory days of newswriting (my original dream) — you know, the ones with packed newsrooms, cigarette smoke, and phones ringing — my attention veered off from journalism and fell in love with social media/marketing.
If restoring is my superpower then it’s cousin is marketing. I loveee marketing and it lovesss me. It’s the relationship-loving, storytelling, people-understanding, passion-driven, creative part of me that comes unleashed behind the products and services I (and later my team) represent.
But life was hollow growing brands for people who only cared about the bottom line. I longed for more.
It came in the form of a custom retail solution to redesign the swimwear experience. And the best part, I could channel my deepest philosophies, morals, and outlook through the branding. The label took off in January 2017 but by December 2018, in debt and totally overwhelmed, I hit pause.
For now, I returned to marketing, am playing with sales (chasing people down is for the birds), enjoy watching others make the big decisions, and wondering if what I’m experiencing is that “mid-life crisis” everyone talks about.
Besides my work history, I live with a guy who may have been sent from heaven (don’t worry, we definitely argue), bed is my favorite place (right now), I’m a total plant freak (can you ever have too many?), have replayed the same comedic sitcoms an embarrassing amount of times (because my preferred humor is rarely found), drive an older Toyota (I prefer to spend my $$$ on experiences/shoes), get easily obsessed with new subjects (currently, ADHD — love to learn), have an intense daily morning ritual (I call it, “Getting Fit for Public Consumption”), consider my parents my best friends (they rule!), easily get claustrophobic (oops, my guy’s love language is physical touch), and red is my favorite color (but not for wearing).
So there you have it — a proper introduction. This space will have no theme, my post topics will be random and my grammar is backward and weird, but it’s simply what I need to do right now.
Hope to see you around.