Hi there, thank you for submitting a question! I'm sorry to hear about your experiences, but these readings are only being offered for general topics that will benefit everyone.
For you, my advice would be to make an appointment with a spiritual guide, such as myself if you are specifically looking to enter the Records. Or with someone else who resonates with you. In addition, you could take a workshop/course on how to access the Records. But it sounds to me like one-on-one mentoring would be best to ensure someone can help you get to the root of what's going on, and/or help you to see that you're actually in the Records but aren't aware of it.
Hope that helps! 😊 🙏🏽