Haha, hi Tom! Good on you for ACTUALLY thinking this through and knowing where you stand, Sean. I believe our world would be in a much different place if people took the time to determine whether or not parenting is a good idea for them.
Missing in this discussion is the WHY behind having kids. It’s a massive responsibility. It’s life-changing. And yet, it’s often decided because of society norms or pressures. How about instead of “I want kids” it’s “I have a solid environment in which to welcome kids into”?
As a product of a nasty divorce, being the oldest and often thrown in the middle, I refuse to ever consider children before my life is secure enough to host them. For me, it would feel selfish to welcome anything into my world unless it can be nurtured and taken care of correctly.
For instance, I’ve wanted a dog for several years but my lifestyle and lack of a backyard have prevented me from making that decision because it wouldn’t be fair to the dog. I know what they need and I can’t consistently give it to them, so I’ll wait.
Because I would want the same.
Some folks will say, you figure it out, but that’s not me. I look at having children as the most important job we could ever take on IF we choose to do so, and I take that responsibility seriously. So much so that I take all the precautions to ensure I don’t get pregnant unless it’s on my terms.
I fully agree that people should be able to make their own decisions about children, BUT how many actually take the time to consider - Whether it’s a best for them? Why they want children? Or ask - would bringing a child into their life and home REALLY be in the best interest of that child?
I just think it’s a subject that’s handled too frivolously, which is why soooo many people take issue when you choose to opt out! Deep down they know they didn’t think it through and while I’m not saying they regret it, they don’t know what to do with someone who hasn’t just done what the pack does.
I can’t even count how many people have asked me if I’m going to have kids before even asking me if I’m in a relationship or married?! It’s like, wait - shouldn’t I have one before the other?
Again, shouldn’t I first consider the environment I’d be welcoming them into before just having?
Personally, I never wanted kids, but that has softened a bit since I got older. However, I’d never make the decision to do so unless I have a solid foundation first.
I love children, I really do. Seeing the world through the eyes of children is magical. They remind us to come back to ourselves. They are eternally wise. They help us to ground into what really matters. They are amazing. And for all these reasons and so many more — I would never make the decision lightly.
Finally, for anyone reading this who is a parent—I highly admire you. I don’t even have a goldfish and I struggle. Please don’t take anything I said personally because it wasn’t ever meant to cause harm. It’s simply the way I view the world.
Fun topic, Sean 😊🙏🏽