It’s been one year since I launched my podcast, so I felt inspired to share my story.

At the beginning of 2019, I was devastated and heartbroken.

I had recently shut down a retail business that I had worked on for the previous two years. But there was no way to make the business model work. It was an “ahead of it’s time” business and one day, I’ll smile in appreciation when someone builds it — for it needs to be created.

But that’s another story.

What was so difficult about this defeat was that I had found true life…

Front-loading. Have you ever heard of it? Especially in connection to communication within a relationship?

Game. Changing.

So what is it?

I didn’t expect it to in the dictionary. I thought it was just a slang term of sorts that couples use or my partner had picked up from somewhere.

Webster Dictionary describes it as “to load or fill from the front” and funny enough, that’s exactly how we use it.

In the first year of our relationship, like most couples, we made plans or decisions (involving both of us) without discussing the details. “Want to go eat at my…

She called to say they might be divorcing. He has left, for now, for a break, for some time to think. They began well, and strong and very in love. He brought flowers, and she giggled as I had never heard before. They listened to music and put us to bed early, to chase each other around the house. But life is real and hard and can break anything not built well in the beginning. Beginnings need so much time, so much care. They are for seeing, hearing, and feeling for the hearts involved. It has been happening for years…

This article contains no ads for products, encouragement for exercise or diets, and definitely won’t tell you it has anything to do with looks.

Because it doesn’t.

True beauty is everlasting. It draws you in — makes you look twice. Maybe even makes you fall in love, if only for a moment. It gets inside of you and stays for a while. And it might even be tricky enough to make you feel beautiful just being in its presence.

I love that kind of beauty.

First, it’s important to consider what beauty is or how it is defined by you…

And we were riding, sitting, side by

side, heavy hearts nestled in our laps, cuddled close.

My head leaning into the open window

warm salty air bristling through my hair

rolling of houses, palm trees, brown greenness,

all steadily streaming by.

In this moment I became bold, blushing

I looked at you, your midnight eyes, occupied and

content stood facing me, your entirety

breathing its quiet serenity. Inhaling,

my hand traveled the width of my

leg, onto yours and

I asked you,

How is it possible, to feel so

vulnerable, so yellow and without strength, to

smell the dependence on…

There are few memories near and dear to me as this one. It’s a memory I return to often and when it came flooding through my mind this morning, I felt compelled to share it.

First, I want to say that God and I have enjoyed a special relationship since I was born. He (the pronoun I choose to use) has always been a part of my life, always been there for me and outside of this experience, there was one other when He spoke this clearly.

And while I know God is a loaded term, my definition of God…

No one would know

how many times we

made love on the new

camel-colored couches

we had worked so hard

to pay for.

They would never see

the mornings spent on

the kitchen floor,

dreaming into one another’s

eyes and bodies

taking the time in which

the biscuits and gravy

cooked, to spread

our love across the counters.

It would seem unreasonable

that our bed was our home

the singular place we

found hardest to escape

hiding under the sheets

snuggling away our day

whispering of the love

we had found.

The bathroom shared our

wanderlust for change

the reflection of us two

brushing our teeth, then my back

propped gently against the mirror

inhaling your body

craving the most it could receive.

Who had time for real life?

We never did.

Want to change or supercharge your relationship overnight? Practice being present.

I’m one of those people who loves picking a word for each year. It gives me one directive that I can sink into throughout the year. It feels doable. Liberating. And I love seeing what my Intuition will bring me each year.

My word for 2020 was Present.

Fortunately, I was given this word before I knew what was coming otherwise I may not have followed through, haha.

Why Present? I’m a fast-moving person, forever working, dreaming up business strategies, solutions, or fantasizing, which is fun but often leads…