Is this the end? Is this where we begin the heavy toll

Of saying our goodbyes, of packing

bags and cardboard boxes full of memories

old stories that are no longer true.

Is this the end? Where walls form great barriers

around our aching hearts

and we feel nothing and everything.

When we look at each other and ache so deep

insisting to be the first one to look away.

Is this the end? When words fall flat, sounds

lack luster, and everything loses its magic.

Those endless

days of sorrow, heavy eyes, and empty cries

as our pillows become replacements.

Is this the end?

Photos removed, things split, waves

goodbye.

Unsure of what words will bring, unsure for

the very first time.

First, I want to be clear — this isn’t about vilifying drugs (recreational) or alcohol.

It’s about having a discussion around why we feel these things are necessary for our life.

The two main reasons we use drugs and alcohol are because 1) we don’t have a dedicated spiritual practice that gives us fulfillment and the tools for daily life, and 2) we haven’t uncovered OR aren’t living our life purpose.

Let me explain.

If you’ve been following my Medium account then you’d know I took a one-year sabbatical from alcohol that changed my life in 2019. Within the first…

“Here it comes a gentle wave riding forward, hitting the ocean, hitting the beach, hitting all sides in which it impacts. The bubbling sounds, the gurgling underneath, there’s so much life in a single wave. It is this force that propels us forward, this underlining current as we fight for who we are, as we come face-to-face with those who disagree, with those who seem to take a separate path, with those who appear to be so different from ourselves.

Yet underneath, we are all combined. We are all one. And this radiant energy that is moving forward, moving out…

It’s been one year since I launched my podcast, so I felt inspired to share my story.

At the beginning of 2019, I was devastated and heartbroken.

I had recently shut down a retail business that I had worked on for the previous two years. But there was no way to make the business model work. It was an “ahead of it’s time” business and one day, I’ll smile in appreciation when someone builds it — for it needs to be created.

But that’s another story.

What was so difficult about this defeat was that I had found true life…

Front-loading. Have you ever heard of it? Especially in connection to communication within a relationship?

Game. Changing.

So what is it?

I didn’t expect it to in the dictionary. I thought it was just a slang term of sorts that couples use or my partner had picked up from somewhere.

Webster Dictionary describes it as “to load or fill from the front” and funny enough, that’s exactly how we use it.

In the first year of our relationship, like most couples, we made plans or decisions (involving both of us) without discussing the details. “Want to go eat at my…

She called to say they might be divorcing. He has left, for now, for a break, for some time to think. They began well, and strong and very in love. He brought flowers, and she giggled as I had never heard before. They listened to music and put us to bed early, to chase each other around the house. But life is real and hard and can break anything not built well in the beginning. Beginnings need so much time, so much care. They are for seeing, hearing, and feeling for the hearts involved. It has been happening for years…

This article contains no ads for products, encouragement for exercise or diets, and definitely won’t tell you it has anything to do with looks.

Because it doesn’t.

True beauty is everlasting. It draws you in — makes you look twice. Maybe even makes you fall in love, if only for a moment. It gets inside of you and stays for a while. And it might even be tricky enough to make you feel beautiful just being in its presence.

I love that kind of beauty.

First, it’s important to consider what beauty is or how it is defined by you…

And we were riding, sitting, side by

side, heavy hearts nestled in our laps, cuddled close.

My head leaning into the open window

warm salty air bristling through my hair

rolling of houses, palm trees, brown greenness,

all steadily streaming by.

In this moment I became bold, blushing

I looked at you, your midnight eyes, occupied and

content stood facing me, your entirety

breathing its quiet serenity. Inhaling,

my hand traveled the width of my

leg, onto yours and

I asked you,

How is it possible, to feel so

vulnerable, so yellow and without strength, to

smell the dependence on…